I was once told, “You receive the love you think you deserve.”
I’ve always found that really true.
Not because we are somehow responsible for every way another person behaves towards us... but because what we believe we deserve can quietly determine what we’re willing to accept, stay around for and call love.
If I allow awful behaviour, disrespect or inconsistency into my field, and keep making excuses for it, eventually I can start to accept that as normal.
I can start calling it love.
And when I keep making room for that energy, I make more room for it to stay.
But what happens when I raise the bar?
What happens when I decide that love, friendship and connection need to feel respectful, kind, honest and nourishing?
When I stop negotiating with the things that diminish me?
When I become really clear about what I will and won’t allow into my life?
Well... that feels like a very different frequency to live in.
I want to be surrounded by loving resonance... and I want to bring that resonance too.
Because this isn’t just about what we expect from other people.
It’s about what we give.
If I want to be listened to, I need to listen.
If I want honesty, I need to be honest.
If I want kindness, I need to practise kindness.
If I want my boundaries respected, I need to respect other people’s boundaries too.
That’s where it gets really beautiful.
Healthy boundaries aren’t walls. They aren’t punishment. They’re a way of creating relationships where both people can show up honestly and feel respected.
Every unspoken “no” can teach us something.
Every time we swallow our truth to keep the peace, we can ask ourselves why.
Every time we tolerate something that doesn’t feel right, we have an opportunity to pause and choose differently.
You don’t have to become hard or closed off.
You can stay soft and still have standards.
You can be loving and still say no.
You can forgive someone and still decide they don’t get the same access to you anymore.
You can understand someone’s behaviour without accepting it.
That, to me, is self respect.
Your energy speaks loudly. When you consistently honour your needs, speak your truth and live according to your values, you begin to feel more at home in yourself.
And from that place, you become much clearer about what belongs in your life... and what doesn’t.
Research into healthy boundaries and assertive communication has found links with greater self esteem, lower stress and healthier relationships.
Learning to communicate your needs isn’t selfish.
It can actually create more honest, respectful and fulfilling connections.
The Invitation
Have a little look at your life this week.
Is there somewhere you’ve been accepting less than you really want?
Maybe it’s a relationship.
A friendship.
The way someone speaks to you.
The way someone treats your time.
A “harmless” comment that doesn’t actually feel harmless.
A pattern you keep excusing because it’s easier than addressing it.
Choose one small place where you can raise the bar.
You might simply say...
“Actually, that doesn’t work for me.”
Or...
“I’d really appreciate it if you spoke to me differently.”
Or perhaps the boundary is simply deciding that you won’t keep participating in something that doesn’t feel good for you.
You don’t need to make a grand announcement.
You just need to start living as though your own wellbeing matters.
Because it does.
Affirmation
“I honour myself by choosing love that is kind, respectful, honest and nourishing. I hold myself to the same standard, and I welcome relationships that meet me in that beautiful space.”
Scribble, Scribe & Contemplate
What am I currently allowing into my life that doesn’t feel like the kind of love I truly deserve?
Where could I raise the bar while still remaining open, loving and compassionate?
What does the kind of love I want to receive ask me to give?
What would change if I truly believed I was worthy of being treated with kindness, respect and care?
Let’s raise the bar for love... for what we give, what we receive and what we believe we deserve. Let’s learn what healthy, secure love really looks and feels like, and hold that gold standard in our beautiful hearts.
Every unspoken ‘no’ sets the tone,
Boundaries teach respect, even when alone.
Meet yourself with reverence, show the way,
And others will learn how to honour your day
About Lucinda
Lucinda Light is a speaker, author, celebrant and professional human-noticer, curious about what makes us tick, connect, love and come alive.
Best known for Married at First Sight Australia and her book Shine Your Light, she explores relationships, self-love, communication and the gloriously messy business of being human.
More from Lucinda → click here
